It's time to play Stardew Valley again!

Okay, poke? Come to old old old haus, poke. Bring coines.

Way back in the summer of 2016, before Trump was elected the first time, when living through a Trump campaign was the worst thing we could imagine, my colleague Rachel introduced me to Stardew Valley. She said it would keep my hands and my brain busy, which is the main thing I was looking to do at the time because I was losing all my waking hours (and hours I should be sleeping) to staring — Clockwork Orange-style — at Twitter, feeling terrified and furious and awful.

As usual, Rachel was right. Stardew Valley kept me so occupied! Because Stardew Valley is a perfect video game! It's full of endless tasks: planting and harvesting crops; raising cows and chickens and goats and baby dinosaurs; fishing for a hundred different kinds of sea creatures; battling flaming skulls and flying lizards, in the deep dark mines, while collecting ore for crafting; so much crafting; meeting your neighbors; deepening your relationships with your neighbors; gay romancing your neighbors; and breaking the capitalist chains that are keeping the Valley down!

One of the best things about Stardew Valley is that Eric Barone (aka ConcernedApe), the mastermind behind every pixel, has continued to create and release free updates for over a decade. The most recent update (1.6), landed at the end of 2024 on consoles, which gave me a reason to fire up my Switch and start another farm. I knew 1.6 had a lot of new stuff, but I could never have guessed just how much stuff — or what a literal game-changer the updates would be. This is my tenth Stardew farm, and just this week, for the first time, I finally achieved perfection! Until this update, there just wasn't enough late-game content to keep me invested to check off every single task in the game.

If it's been a minute since you played Stardew Valley — or if you've never played it at all — it's time to plant parsnips again, baby.

Here's my favorite things about the newest incarnation of one of the greatest (and gayest) video games ever created.

Cats in Hats

No more single pet farms! Marnie will still gift you a kitty or a pupper, depending on what you select on the set-up screen. But now, you can also adopt as many pets as you want, including A TURTLE. You just have to make sure to buy an extra water bowl from Robin, or your pet pals get very grumpy. Plus, get this: You can now give your pets HATS TO WEAR!!!!! As soon as I saved up enough money, I galloped right down to the Hat Mouse and bought each of my cats a crown, obviously. (Horses can still wear hats, too, and also so can the alien scarecrow.)

The Mastery Cave

There's five skills in Stardew Valley: Farming, Mining, Foraging, Fishing, Combat. When you do them enough, you level up, and when you reach ten stars, you've mastered the skill. Each time you level up, the skill gets easier. Before 1.6, when you achieved ten stars, that was that. But now! There's a MASTERY CAVE where you can get EVEN BETTER at each skill, and then unlock THREE BONUSES for each one.

By far, the coolest thing in the Mastery Cave is the Iridium Scythe (Farming mastery), which allows you to harvest any crop — and each swing uproots like 25 veggies. No more pluck, pluck, pluck, pluck-ing the hours away, or hoping it doesn't rain on your Junimo Huts on harvest day. You can unearth an entire farm of crops with the Iridium Scythe before lunch. There's also new Mining powers in here, like "bombs can't hurt you." And Combat accessories, like your own forge and anvil, so you don't have to go to the Volcano Dungeon every time you want to respec one of your rings or weapons.

The Catalogue of Rare Books

Before 1.6, the only books in Stardew Valley were the ones you dug up and used to expand the library's collection. Now, though, there's skill books! You can snag them from loot drops, get them as gifts, or buy them when the bookseller comes to town. They increase your XP in one of the five skills. The bookseller, who sets up a little stall behind JojaMart / the movie theater, also sells books that make your horse faster, books that make walking through grass easier, books with EVERY QUEEN OF SAUCE RECIPE. And if Penny's your girl (Penny's always my girl) every book is a loved gift for her.

Animal Happiness Tracker

You've always been able to tell how the people in Stardew Valley feel about you, not only with their words and actions, but also with the tracker that shows how many hearts you have with each villager. Now you can also tell how your cows and pigs and ducks and goats feel about you! You can track their happiness on a whole different menu tab! You really only have to pet your farm animals, make sure they have food, and turn the barn-heater on in the winter — but I like to double-check that they have everything they need to love me. It helps me sleep better at night.

Ranger Danger

I feel like maybe I am one of the few people who freaking loves mining in Stardew Valley. I love the combat. It reminds me so much of the Atari games I grew up on. My only complaint about this entire game — ever, actually — was that there wasn't a good option for ranged combat. I've played Stardew on a variety of platforms and the slingshot is unusable!!!!!

Now, though, when you master Combat, you unlock Trinkets, which you slot into place on the screen where you change clothes. There's a Basilisk Paw that makes you immune to buffs, a Fairy Box that summons a healing fairy to follow you around like you're Link, a Golden Spur that gives you a critical hit boost, and — best of all — RANGER DANGER. There's an ice rod that shoots frozen orbs at your enemies, and there's a MAGIC QUIVER that unleashes MAGIC ARROWS. The arrows have got bonkers knockback power. It changes everything about descending into Skull Cavern.

Witches' Road

Stardew 1.6 offers up several new furniture catalogs that can be purchased at random from the Traveling Cart. One of them is WIZARD FURNITURE and it includes all the stuff the wizard has in his castle. I turned my hut on Ginger Island into a portal to the Witches' Road. (I did not, however, trick the local magical orphan into accompanying me on my journey.)

Back to the Future

Another one of the new catalogs is Retro Furniture! It's got so much orange stuff! And, if you know me at all, you know that: a) Orange is my most favorite all-time ever super-best color, and b) I don't trust people who don't have a favorite color. The Retro Catalog is all 80s vibes and outer space things. A real treat for vintage nerds like me.

Trash Panda Pals

You know how half the fun of all video games is running errands for people? Okay well now you can also run errands for a family of raccoons! They live in a tree stump in the forest near the Traveling Cart. Well, first there's just one guy. He needs some help setting up, then help finding a wife, then help getting jams and jellies to feed his growing family of baby raccoons. He gives very cool and rare gifts, and his wife opens up a shop where you can buy four new kinds of seasonal seeds, including carrots that will make your horse even faster. He calls you "Bobo" and you're his best friend! I’ve always wanted a raccoon best friend!

Meowmere

A sword given to you by an enchanted cat who swaggers through a magical portal in the Wizard’s basement to deliver an amazing new weapon directly into your hands.

History Will Say They Were Roommates

Beloved shadow guy Krobus doesn't have to stay in the sewers in 1.6. You can buy a Void Pendent from the Desert Trader and give it to Krobus once you have ten stars with him. It's like the Mermaid Pendant for marrying humans, but with this one, Krobus becomes your "roommate." He'll move onto your farm with you! You can hug him every day! He's so happy and smiley, even in the sunshine! You can also take Krobus to the movies and he’ll dress up like purple Carmen Sandiego!

Party Time

There's a bunch of new festivals in 1.6, including Squid Fest, Trout Derby, and my personal favorite: THE DESERT FESTIVAL. It's on Spring 15-17 and it takes places in the desert, so you have to fix the bus before it can happen. But—oh, man! Once you do, it is so cool! Every day, you can get a new outfit from Emily. Every day, two villagers sell unique items, like Alex’s shimmering hair gel; Harvey’s radio desk and model planes; Demetrius’ periodic table; George’s retro TV; and PENNY’S PIRATE FLAG. Every day, there's two Skull Cavern challenges and two fishing challenges. There's free cacti, sand creature races, a special trader, and three days in a row of the Traveling Cart! It’s the most challenging festival and therefore the most fun.

Here's my very first perfect playthrough! If you have any questions at all about Stardew, just ask in the comments, and I'll do my best to answer. It remains my favorite way to shut off my noggin for a couple of hours.