Messages From Middle-Earth's Married Lesbian Couple

"Sorry what. Gandalf LEFT? To go where?"

Be there soon, was just seeing Gandalf off at the gates.

Sorry what. Gandalf LEFT? To go where?

🤷‍♂️ He didn’t say.

Uh………..did he say when he’ll be back?

Yes! He said: Look to my coming at first light on the fifth day! At dawn, look to the East! ☀️ 😎

Wtf does that even mean? Five days starting from today? Five days starting from tomorrow? Look to the east from where? From here? Are we supposed to go to some specific place to look east?

Wait let me guess: he didn’t say.

Are you mad?

I mean, a little. Théoden literally just got de-possessed like ten minutes ago. Theodred's super dead. The Uruk-hai are roaming around murdering everyone they come across. Saruman's army is marching right at us. But Gandalf needed a little vacation, I guess.

I don’t think he went on *vacation*.

But we can’t know that, can we? Because Gandalf makes plans like the world’s absolute worst Sagittarius.

He did say he’d be back in five days!

Sure okay.

Like.

Five actual human days?

Five loops around the sun?

Or: A wizard is never late, nor is he early, he arrives precisely when he means to?

I’m sorry I didn’t ask him to clarify. He just doesn’t like to be needled, you know? If he told me he passed through fire and death and had no plans to bandy crooked words with a witless worm, like he did with Gríma, I would for real die of embarrassment.

TBH calling a guy named “Wormtongue” a “witless worm” isn’t Gandalf’s best work.

Man you really are pissed at him. 😔

I just think maybe you shouldn’t ride off to who-knows-where with plans to come back who-knows-when after waltzing into town and dropping bombs like “From the summit of Barad-dur His eye watches ceaselessly.”

He’s the only wizard from here to the Iron Hills. He’s got a lot to do.

Okay.

Are you mad at ME?

No.

It kind of seems like you’re mat at me. I can’t control a wizard!

Okay.

Yikes did you hear that?

The horns?

Babe, did you hear those horns?

Welp. Apparently we’re all going to Helm’s Deep. Cool. Cooooool. I really wanted to run for my life from some Warg-riding Orcs. Wrote that down on my weekly to-do list actually. On Monday. You know, Monday? One of the traditionally accepted seven days of the week you can use to make firm plans with people.

I’m almost home. It’ll only take me ten mins to pack once I get there.

👍