The Richest Duck in the World

We're coming up on the two-year anniversary of Cattywampus paid subscriptions!

Dearest readers and friends (and foes who simply cannot quit me),

Two years ago, when I was frantically grasping for a way to eject myself from the burning pile of hopes and dreams that was my previous job, I turned on paid subscriptions to this newsletter. I’d poured everything I had into that publication, writing 1,700+ articles and a million+ words in just under a decade. It ended the way pretty much everyone who ever wrote there knew it would, but it was still heartbreaking to witness. I loved and still love so many of the people I worked with. I loved and still love so many of the people I spent all those years writing for.

My wife, who’d supported me through the endless chaos of that job, finally lost it when the guy who bought the wreckage offered me a lot of money to stay, literally told me he wanted to own my soul, and ended his offer by demanding that I turn off paid subscriptions to my Substack.

“They want to trap you and cut off every avenue of escape,” is what Stacy said that day, when I got off the call. “And YOU are not for sale.”

The real dirty truth is that I didn’t have to be for sale — but only because of this newsletter. I’m a disabled, middle-age butch lesbian whose spine is basically held together with $170,000 worth of titanium clothes pins, and who spends hundreds of dollars a month on doctors visits, prescription medications, and injections for Long COVID. I want to live my life with great conviction and moral character, but also, if I want to actually be alive, it costs a lot of dang money.

The day I turned on paid subscriptions to Cattywampus and realized, for the first time, that I was going to be okay, regardless of what happened with my job — I just sat on my front stoop and cried and cried. I was going to be able to afford to take care of myself and I was going to finally be free.

Thank you for giving me that gift. I will be grateful for your support of my creative dreams all the way down into my bones, every day, forever and ever.

As we approach this two-year paid subscription anniversary, I want to get real with you about money for a minute. I attend Substack Business School, which is a program available to Substack best sellers, however they calculate that metric! They say that creators are likely to lose a large swath of paid subscribers during major annual renewal times, especially on year two.

So, a few things:

1. Over half of my paid subscribers are coming up for annual renewal in the next few weeks. I know Substack sends out individual emails to let you know, but I wanted to give you an extra heads up, in case your situation has changed in any way, or money is weird or tight or nonexistent right now. I don’t want anyone to get charged if they can’t afford it. You can cancel any time, up to the day before your annual renewal, and you won’t be charged.
   

2. It’s obviously a-okay if you want to cancel! I am so grateful for you, whether you pay for this newsletter or not! However, please cancel before the charge goes through. If you let Substack charge you, and then you dispute it, Substack and Stripe charge me about $35 in extra processing fees. I accept every dispute, even though they say not to, so I’m paying out of pocket every time someone doesn’t cancel before their annual charge goes through. It goes like this: Stripe deposits the money (minus regular processing fees) into my bank, someone disputes, they deduct the full cost of the subscription (so even if they deposit $45, they take back $50), and then they take an extra $30 as a dispute fee. Help me not lose money if you decide to cancel, please.
   

3. To try to offset what Substack says will happen at the two-year mark, I’m offering a sale on new annual subscriptions! 20% off through the end of May! If you enjoy this newsletter and would like to support my writing, please consider purchasing a discounted annual subscription for $40. That’s like $3.33 a month — what a deal! To take advantage of the offer, click on this link and you’ll go right to the discounted subscriber page. Look how happy Quasar is about this development! A sunbeam queen approves!

As always, thank you for reading my writing. I am so dang glad that you are here. To quote the legendary Uncle Scrooge, no matter what happens in my life with money, I remain the richest duck in the world.

love,

Heather