I have a flock of 10 ducks. We prefer to say that they have "serrated bills" because somehow that sounds better in our heads. To be fair, the inside of a duck's mouth is far less horrifying than the inside of a goose's. However, the real horror show of duck body parts is their penises. Boy ducks (drakes) have penises shaped like corkscrews that SPRING out of them when they're needed and retract back inside when they're done. Only sometimes they don't fully retract, and that's why a person could find herself in her bathroom holding an enraged drake still while her wife performs surgery to remove the frost-bitten section of his corkscrew horror penis so that the rest of it can go back inside AWAY FROM HUMAN EYES where it belongs. If you're going to google, I suggest taking a whole gummy first.
I'M SORRY this information lives in my head rent free and misery moves company I guess! Also "I can’t even be sure they know what grass is" made me cackle.
I stopped reading and after a second I read the "BLECH!" out loud in the hallway to no one. I think I knew this information from a videogame and completely deleted it from my brain drive... so thanks Heather... also WHY?
This is horrifying. Also I am shocked to learn that penguin teeth are yet another type of horrifying? Like they do not have any amount of tongue that is toothless??? I know what my nightmares will be about tonight 😂
She would have had some amazing supplemental information, like “geese use their teeth to fight off cobras to keep baby otters safe” or “geese are actually the serial killers of the wild, even though most people think its ravens due to Poe propaganda.” Love you, Mittens! 🧡
had to google this immediately and the first post I found began with the following passage:
"An angry goose is such a force to be reckoned with that in parts of the world they’re used as Guard Geese, protecting homes and farms from trespassers."
I'm so sorry about goose teeth. The trauma is real. I offer this info to help your horror of penguin mouths, however: the Mandarin word for penguin translates to "business goose." Happy New Year
Damn, I knew you should avoid getting bitten by a goose but I didn’t know it was THAT dangerous. Is is the same deal with swans? Can someone who’s already traumatized anyway google this for me?
I was recently ask what was the largest animal I could win a fight with. I'm not at all tough but I thought if I had to I could push a large penguin over (not that I would want to because penguins are adorable). But I didn't know about the teeth!!
I have a flock of 10 ducks. We prefer to say that they have "serrated bills" because somehow that sounds better in our heads. To be fair, the inside of a duck's mouth is far less horrifying than the inside of a goose's. However, the real horror show of duck body parts is their penises. Boy ducks (drakes) have penises shaped like corkscrews that SPRING out of them when they're needed and retract back inside when they're done. Only sometimes they don't fully retract, and that's why a person could find herself in her bathroom holding an enraged drake still while her wife performs surgery to remove the frost-bitten section of his corkscrew horror penis so that the rest of it can go back inside AWAY FROM HUMAN EYES where it belongs. If you're going to google, I suggest taking a whole gummy first.
AMY WHAT.
It’s ok. She’s a doctor. I mean, she’s a psychiatrist so bathroom veterinary surgery is more of a hobby. But she’s pretty good at it!
OMG, WTAFF.
Also, if Siri is wrong about this, is she ever right about anything? This is the most terrifying thought I've had this year.
I'M SORRY this information lives in my head rent free and misery moves company I guess! Also "I can’t even be sure they know what grass is" made me cackle.
You warned me. I did not listen. 😬
I stopped reading and after a second I read the "BLECH!" out loud in the hallway to no one. I think I knew this information from a videogame and completely deleted it from my brain drive... so thanks Heather... also WHY?
LOL
thank you so much for this...despite its upsetting effects!
This is horrifying. Also I am shocked to learn that penguin teeth are yet another type of horrifying? Like they do not have any amount of tongue that is toothless??? I know what my nightmares will be about tonight 😂
Do you know who would have loved this? Potato Salad, duh.
(Thanks for the LOL; I really needed this today.)
She would have had some amazing supplemental information, like “geese use their teeth to fight off cobras to keep baby otters safe” or “geese are actually the serial killers of the wild, even though most people think its ravens due to Poe propaganda.” Love you, Mittens! 🧡
Poe-praganda was right there!
I am fighting the urge to Google goose teeth so hard right now. This made me laugh and squirm in equal measure. Thank you 🤣
Also I experienced a similar level of horror when i saw a close up video of a cat's tongue. Now that is just nasty.
had to google this immediately and the first post I found began with the following passage:
"An angry goose is such a force to be reckoned with that in parts of the world they’re used as Guard Geese, protecting homes and farms from trespassers."
GUARD GEESE. Guard geese! Guard GEESE!
🤣
I'm so sorry about goose teeth. The trauma is real. I offer this info to help your horror of penguin mouths, however: the Mandarin word for penguin translates to "business goose." Happy New Year
I love this so much. I knew about weird duck teeth from this comic.
https://rosemarymosco.com/comics/bird-and-moon/four-seasons-of-bird-watching
And now I know about goose teeth, thanks to your excellent drawing.
Damn, I knew you should avoid getting bitten by a goose but I didn’t know it was THAT dangerous. Is is the same deal with swans? Can someone who’s already traumatized anyway google this for me?
I was recently ask what was the largest animal I could win a fight with. I'm not at all tough but I thought if I had to I could push a large penguin over (not that I would want to because penguins are adorable). But I didn't know about the teeth!!