"Butch" isn’t just a masculine aesthetic. It's an energy. It's a temperament. It's a demeanor. It's a thing you just know, and the best feeling in the whole world is when you can finally own it.
Yesss! This is so good. (Also as good a place as any to say that there's this bar we go to a lot where a lot of the bartenders are femmes with big muscles, which tbh is one of the reasons i like going there so much, but ive been lifting weights this summer JUST IN CASE any of them ever challenge me to an arm wrestle, not necessarily because i want to win but just so in this entirely imaginary situation i can at least put up a respectable showing 😂. Anyway to me that is also one meaning of "butch": live your life as if you might be challenged to an arm wrestling match by a pretty bartender at any given moment.)
As an AFAB femme-presenting non-binary person who is most comfortable in pants but loves lipstick and eyeliner and MY BOOBS but is, in the words of the glorious Janet from The Good Place, "not a girl", this part gave me so much joy and I felt so seen: "It's an energy. It's a temperament. It's a demeanor. It's a thing you just know, and the best feeling in the whole world is when you can finally own it."
Wonderfully written piece that sums up a lot of me. I enjoy wearing a little makeup to highlight my assets but I haven’t worn a dress since my sister’s first wedding almost 15 years ago. I Ike to think I’m the best of both worlds :)
I'm bisexual. I'm attracted to butch women. It's not the same as being attracted to a man. Because men and butch women are not the same thing. Obviously! 🙄
The next time someone queries my sexuality by saying, "Surely a butch woman is just a wannabe man?" I'll direct them to this post.
Oh, I loved this one so much! I’m an afab non binary butch mom to a nine year old, and this whole thing resonated so much.
I find myself doing both the mom-things and the dad-things equally these days, at least when I’m outside with our kid. My husband is physically disabled, and he rarely leaves the house - it takes too many spoons, you know. But the dad roles feel just as right to me as the mom roles.
I had such a vivid flashback to That Dress in my own childhood. Mine was brown floral velour, and I thought it was so pretty when I saw it, but when it was on it felt so deeply wrong. Like wearing someone else’s skin, just like you said. I was never comfortable as a kid unless I was wearing jeans, a t shirt, and sneakers. (Now that I’m old and wise I wear soft pants!)
I think our main difference is that I would *love* a genie’s wish or a fully automated gay space communism that would let me have a dude’s body for a little while. I love my tits, I *adore* my pussy - but wouldn’t it be great to have a dick, just as a treat? They’re so funny looking, and you can write your initials in the snow! No? Just me? Ahhh, well 😅
I love absolutely everything about this on so many levels, and also because I am who I am, I have to recommend the book "Ariel Crashes a Train" by Olivia A. Cole to you because the protagonist is a teen butch girl who feels very much the same way about her gender as you've described. (It is kind of a heavy read, but beautiful.)
I absolutely adore butches and the role they (including you, Heather) have played in my own queer development. I couldn't be who I am today without the influence of butch women, and what a shame that would be!
A thousand likes for this. Love the momentum of your writing. And so, so happy to see a piece about butch energy, which I haven’t seen in so long. The joy and the strength of this piece!
Yesss! This is so good. (Also as good a place as any to say that there's this bar we go to a lot where a lot of the bartenders are femmes with big muscles, which tbh is one of the reasons i like going there so much, but ive been lifting weights this summer JUST IN CASE any of them ever challenge me to an arm wrestle, not necessarily because i want to win but just so in this entirely imaginary situation i can at least put up a respectable showing 😂. Anyway to me that is also one meaning of "butch": live your life as if you might be challenged to an arm wrestling match by a pretty bartender at any given moment.)
As an AFAB femme-presenting non-binary person who is most comfortable in pants but loves lipstick and eyeliner and MY BOOBS but is, in the words of the glorious Janet from The Good Place, "not a girl", this part gave me so much joy and I felt so seen: "It's an energy. It's a temperament. It's a demeanor. It's a thing you just know, and the best feeling in the whole world is when you can finally own it."
I love this for you. I love this for all of us.
As an effeminate man, reading this made my heart sing!
Wonderfully written piece that sums up a lot of me. I enjoy wearing a little makeup to highlight my assets but I haven’t worn a dress since my sister’s first wedding almost 15 years ago. I Ike to think I’m the best of both worlds :)
I'm bisexual. I'm attracted to butch women. It's not the same as being attracted to a man. Because men and butch women are not the same thing. Obviously! 🙄
The next time someone queries my sexuality by saying, "Surely a butch woman is just a wannabe man?" I'll direct them to this post.
Long live butch woman energy! ❤️
Oh, I loved this one so much! I’m an afab non binary butch mom to a nine year old, and this whole thing resonated so much.
I find myself doing both the mom-things and the dad-things equally these days, at least when I’m outside with our kid. My husband is physically disabled, and he rarely leaves the house - it takes too many spoons, you know. But the dad roles feel just as right to me as the mom roles.
I had such a vivid flashback to That Dress in my own childhood. Mine was brown floral velour, and I thought it was so pretty when I saw it, but when it was on it felt so deeply wrong. Like wearing someone else’s skin, just like you said. I was never comfortable as a kid unless I was wearing jeans, a t shirt, and sneakers. (Now that I’m old and wise I wear soft pants!)
I think our main difference is that I would *love* a genie’s wish or a fully automated gay space communism that would let me have a dude’s body for a little while. I love my tits, I *adore* my pussy - but wouldn’t it be great to have a dick, just as a treat? They’re so funny looking, and you can write your initials in the snow! No? Just me? Ahhh, well 😅
I love absolutely everything about this on so many levels, and also because I am who I am, I have to recommend the book "Ariel Crashes a Train" by Olivia A. Cole to you because the protagonist is a teen butch girl who feels very much the same way about her gender as you've described. (It is kind of a heavy read, but beautiful.)
Thanks for the book rec; I'm gonna check it out!
This is wonderful. It made smile and it made me cry. Thanks so much for writing it.
wonderful ❤️
I absolutely adore butches and the role they (including you, Heather) have played in my own queer development. I couldn't be who I am today without the influence of butch women, and what a shame that would be!
A thousand likes for this. Love the momentum of your writing. And so, so happy to see a piece about butch energy, which I haven’t seen in so long. The joy and the strength of this piece!
Heartwarming and beautifully written 🧡
Yes. <3 this. Thanks for this Heather.
i love this so, so much
Beautifully written. Thank you