Ugh, Heather, this is SO GOOD. I have ME/CFS, and my wife has a lot of health problems that keep trying to kill her, and it's so disheartening watching people dismiss the risks of Covid as if the fatalities are over and LC doesn't exist. I've gotten disbelief about the ME/CFS the entire time I've had it (like 25 years), and like, my mom sent me a medical journal article 10 years ago saying ME/CFS is real. I ... know that? But she apparently didn't. And it infuriates me that it continues with LC when we all literally experienced a global pandemic and an epidemic of LC because of it.
My wife kept apologizing after she went through some acute health crises in 2021, and I had to keep telling her that it's not her fault. We had to do a lot of work to differentiate between "you don't deserve X" and "you totally deserve X and also I don't have the capacity to give it to you right now," because my own disability complicated being a caregiver. I won't lie -- it's been really hard sometimes. But neither of us are at fault for our illnesses/disabilities, and being a team has been crucial in making it through.
It's lots of words to say: solidarity. I see you and Stacy. I affirm everything you said here with pompoms.
In my life, I often feel like my partner and I are the only people still taking precautions. I had Covid in 2022 and have no long lasting effects and my partner had it last summer and had some heart problems that have, for now, gone away. But even without the day-to-day struggle of LC, it's still SO EASY to minimize risks. I work with kids, many of whom, at this point, aren't vaccinated, and I always think about how not only do I not want to get sick again but I don't want to contribute to THEM getting sick.
I have a monthly happy hour with friends and I've requested people take tests before we meet up. One friend was planning on coming despite her partner and child currently having Covid. She "feels fine" and it felt like I was being framed as the crazy one for suggesting she should be quarantining or, you know, not around people unmasked at the very least.
It seems like such an easy thing to do, to minimize risk for myself and others. I'm constantly confounded that so few others see it that way in my life. It's not even about feeling better than anyone, or like some martyred saint. It's honestly just matter-of-fact, science-based, common sense.
Thank you for this piece and all the work you do around advocating around issues of Covid and Long Covid.
So, so good. Thank you for sharing this. You two have such a solid, loving marriage and I love to hear about it. Solidarity to Stacy refusing anyone’s apology. That made me laugh.
This was sweet and important because of course it was!!!! Oh, Heather, Stacy, sending big love to you guys and to my other lesbian married friends who have shown me that there really are two kinds of marriages, but only one kind that I would ever want: the kind where you're human, and have your stuff, and the world is still the world, but you are always, ALWAYS on the same team.
I have long Covid. Our daughter came home to South Carolina from NYC in March of 2020. We were sick a week later. I started having long Covid symptoms that summer and ended up in the hospital in January 2021 for heart problems. The last time I was hospitalized was last April - 5 days in a stroke ward. What I’m really wanting to say is that my wife and I just sat down after work to read this. I’m crying with gratitude for her and all she’s done for us. And gratitude for both of you and the model of what love and marriage look like. Thank you. Love, Cassie and Susanne in SC
Don't have words for how much it means to me (a fellow March 2020 LC lez) to read this and see beautifully expressed so much of what I've experienced and continue to feel. Thank you for this and for sharing with us.
Thank you for writing this. I am Covid cautious since 2020. I often feel alone in being so but like you I have a partner who is on the same page as me and it makes all the difference. Some days are harder than others but we get through it together. I can’t imagine risking it all for treats. I just can’t.
This was so validating to read. I am immunocompromised from and for four autoimmune diseases. When I caught my husband out with three friends INDOORS in a restaurant and lying about it he swore he’d never do it again. And he kept right on doing it for three years. He never stopped. He said he was working late but he was out at restaurants. And he would come home and just hope he didn’t contract Covid. Even after the one time he gave me Covid that put me in the hospital twice he just kept right on doing it. He told me this in couples counseling because I had accused him of cheating (he hadn’t) but then in explaining all this he actually wanted a pat on the back for how well he covered his tracks in not getting me sick! Needless to say that was the last straw. That day I packed up his stuff and put it in the driveway in trash bags. Your marriage is what it’s supposed to be like. And he just didn’t have the capacity for empathy or anything. My poor therapist has her work cut out for her. Thanks for this piece and for reminding me what it should’ve been like for me. Wishing you two the best.
Ugh, Heather, this is SO GOOD. I have ME/CFS, and my wife has a lot of health problems that keep trying to kill her, and it's so disheartening watching people dismiss the risks of Covid as if the fatalities are over and LC doesn't exist. I've gotten disbelief about the ME/CFS the entire time I've had it (like 25 years), and like, my mom sent me a medical journal article 10 years ago saying ME/CFS is real. I ... know that? But she apparently didn't. And it infuriates me that it continues with LC when we all literally experienced a global pandemic and an epidemic of LC because of it.
My wife kept apologizing after she went through some acute health crises in 2021, and I had to keep telling her that it's not her fault. We had to do a lot of work to differentiate between "you don't deserve X" and "you totally deserve X and also I don't have the capacity to give it to you right now," because my own disability complicated being a caregiver. I won't lie -- it's been really hard sometimes. But neither of us are at fault for our illnesses/disabilities, and being a team has been crucial in making it through.
It's lots of words to say: solidarity. I see you and Stacy. I affirm everything you said here with pompoms.
NPR should air an interview with Heather and Stacy, as part of their apology for ableist complicity.
In my life, I often feel like my partner and I are the only people still taking precautions. I had Covid in 2022 and have no long lasting effects and my partner had it last summer and had some heart problems that have, for now, gone away. But even without the day-to-day struggle of LC, it's still SO EASY to minimize risks. I work with kids, many of whom, at this point, aren't vaccinated, and I always think about how not only do I not want to get sick again but I don't want to contribute to THEM getting sick.
I have a monthly happy hour with friends and I've requested people take tests before we meet up. One friend was planning on coming despite her partner and child currently having Covid. She "feels fine" and it felt like I was being framed as the crazy one for suggesting she should be quarantining or, you know, not around people unmasked at the very least.
It seems like such an easy thing to do, to minimize risk for myself and others. I'm constantly confounded that so few others see it that way in my life. It's not even about feeling better than anyone, or like some martyred saint. It's honestly just matter-of-fact, science-based, common sense.
Thank you for this piece and all the work you do around advocating around issues of Covid and Long Covid.
So, so good. Thank you for sharing this. You two have such a solid, loving marriage and I love to hear about it. Solidarity to Stacy refusing anyone’s apology. That made me laugh.
Thank you for this, I don’t have LC but am disabled and it’s been hard not to feel like a burden after that article 🩷
This was sweet and important because of course it was!!!! Oh, Heather, Stacy, sending big love to you guys and to my other lesbian married friends who have shown me that there really are two kinds of marriages, but only one kind that I would ever want: the kind where you're human, and have your stuff, and the world is still the world, but you are always, ALWAYS on the same team.
I'm just so touched by this.
I also have a wonderful spouse who is on my side and looks out for me at all times.
I am hoping more people will read this and understand the frustration that we all have regarding people not giving a fuck anymore.
well this is perfect and affirming AND made me cry so thank you three times 🖤 love you both so much
I have long Covid. Our daughter came home to South Carolina from NYC in March of 2020. We were sick a week later. I started having long Covid symptoms that summer and ended up in the hospital in January 2021 for heart problems. The last time I was hospitalized was last April - 5 days in a stroke ward. What I’m really wanting to say is that my wife and I just sat down after work to read this. I’m crying with gratitude for her and all she’s done for us. And gratitude for both of you and the model of what love and marriage look like. Thank you. Love, Cassie and Susanne in SC
Don't have words for how much it means to me (a fellow March 2020 LC lez) to read this and see beautifully expressed so much of what I've experienced and continue to feel. Thank you for this and for sharing with us.
Thank you. This is wonderful and horrifying and I'm so grateful that you are loved.
So beautiful. Thank you.
Love this! 💛
Thank you both for this.
Thank you for writing this. I am Covid cautious since 2020. I often feel alone in being so but like you I have a partner who is on the same page as me and it makes all the difference. Some days are harder than others but we get through it together. I can’t imagine risking it all for treats. I just can’t.
This was so validating to read. I am immunocompromised from and for four autoimmune diseases. When I caught my husband out with three friends INDOORS in a restaurant and lying about it he swore he’d never do it again. And he kept right on doing it for three years. He never stopped. He said he was working late but he was out at restaurants. And he would come home and just hope he didn’t contract Covid. Even after the one time he gave me Covid that put me in the hospital twice he just kept right on doing it. He told me this in couples counseling because I had accused him of cheating (he hadn’t) but then in explaining all this he actually wanted a pat on the back for how well he covered his tracks in not getting me sick! Needless to say that was the last straw. That day I packed up his stuff and put it in the driveway in trash bags. Your marriage is what it’s supposed to be like. And he just didn’t have the capacity for empathy or anything. My poor therapist has her work cut out for her. Thanks for this piece and for reminding me what it should’ve been like for me. Wishing you two the best.