Hmmm, I wonder if there is something here about girls being told to be nice whilst growing up, and then being furious when it turns out being nice is not actually enough? I'm not saying Ellen DeGeneres is necessarily nice! Just thinking that when men are called to account for their actions, niceness is never even mentioned - by them or by commentators. Usually the focus is on their skills, or lack thereof, or their power. Not whether they are nice or not.
And so very sorry to hear about you being doxxed. How absolutely horrible.
Have you read The Right Kind of White? It's a book about the performativity of whiteness -- written by a cishet dude so a different perspective, but it talks about similar topics to this essay!
Thanks for these thoughts. I appreciate the personal challenge to live from my values (challenging!) instead of falling back on just being nice (which is much easier).
👏🏽👏🏽 Sorry you have had to go through the insane doxxing. You are absolutely right on the Caitlin Clark stuff, my wife and I were just talking about it recently. Honestly, it’s made it impossible for me to enjoy her. Even if it was about money I would have to assume there is more money in inclusivity than taking a bunch if shitty racist money.
"The root of this kind of niceness isn't actually kindness, of course; it's a fear of open conflict."
YES, this Heather!
Hmmm, I wonder if there is something here about girls being told to be nice whilst growing up, and then being furious when it turns out being nice is not actually enough? I'm not saying Ellen DeGeneres is necessarily nice! Just thinking that when men are called to account for their actions, niceness is never even mentioned - by them or by commentators. Usually the focus is on their skills, or lack thereof, or their power. Not whether they are nice or not.
And so very sorry to hear about you being doxxed. How absolutely horrible.
Have you read The Right Kind of White? It's a book about the performativity of whiteness -- written by a cishet dude so a different perspective, but it talks about similar topics to this essay!
Thanks for these thoughts. I appreciate the personal challenge to live from my values (challenging!) instead of falling back on just being nice (which is much easier).
👏🏽👏🏽 Sorry you have had to go through the insane doxxing. You are absolutely right on the Caitlin Clark stuff, my wife and I were just talking about it recently. Honestly, it’s made it impossible for me to enjoy her. Even if it was about money I would have to assume there is more money in inclusivity than taking a bunch if shitty racist money.