The thing about "no" — I'm sorry, I can't. Not right now. I don't have the bandwidth / time / energy / spoons today — is that it's supposed to be a full sentence, but it hardly ever is.
I love your explanation of what is happening with other people when you say no. I don't think I ever really understood that, so I kind of internalized the idea that I'm not as good a person as I was before I learned to say no.
Boundaries are so important. Society has raised AFAB people to not have them, and one result is the emotional chaos and backlash you described when people encounter them. I'll try to remember this when I crash into the next time. Congrats on finding an excellent therapist and learning to use your "no!"
Thank you, as always, for sharing these stories with us. I relate to this so much. It’s hard saying no to the people you’ve said yes to for so long. They really don’t take it well. Knowing you’re not all the things they try to tell you that you are after you set your boundaries is a great first step. I’m still learning this as well. Love to you <3
I feel this to my core. I relate so much. When I say no, I’m always waiting for the yelling, threats, insults, or even a physical reaction. It took me a long time to realize that. I’m on a similar path to fix it. I’m so happy for you and the progress you’ve made this past year, and I hope you continue to make great progress in the year to come! Here’s to saying “no” a lot more often!
I absolutely love this. I need to re-read it and really absorb it. I think you have perfectly explained something I could never have articulated but this sounds like a dream come true. To live unapologetically leaving space for what you need sounds impossibly idyllic. And I want it. Thank you for inspiring me!
I love your explanation of what is happening with other people when you say no. I don't think I ever really understood that, so I kind of internalized the idea that I'm not as good a person as I was before I learned to say no.
Boundaries are so important. Society has raised AFAB people to not have them, and one result is the emotional chaos and backlash you described when people encounter them. I'll try to remember this when I crash into the next time. Congrats on finding an excellent therapist and learning to use your "no!"
Thank you, as always, for sharing these stories with us. I relate to this so much. It’s hard saying no to the people you’ve said yes to for so long. They really don’t take it well. Knowing you’re not all the things they try to tell you that you are after you set your boundaries is a great first step. I’m still learning this as well. Love to you <3
I feel this to my core. I relate so much. When I say no, I’m always waiting for the yelling, threats, insults, or even a physical reaction. It took me a long time to realize that. I’m on a similar path to fix it. I’m so happy for you and the progress you’ve made this past year, and I hope you continue to make great progress in the year to come! Here’s to saying “no” a lot more often!
I absolutely love this. I need to re-read it and really absorb it. I think you have perfectly explained something I could never have articulated but this sounds like a dream come true. To live unapologetically leaving space for what you need sounds impossibly idyllic. And I want it. Thank you for inspiring me!