I relate to all of this so very much (I have ME/CFS and Lupus). I really needed to read this today as I have overextended and exerted too much and now I’m unable to leave my bed. Maybe for a week or multiple weeks. I do this not infrequently. I especially resonated with “The pleading, resigned, dejected look on my wife's face when she knows I'm about to cause myself to crash, and nothing she says can stop me.” My partner is the exact same way. Cheers to our divine right to rest. Cheers to resisting the urge to try to prove something even though it causes us harm.
The struggle is REAL - especially the part about feeling a bit better and then trying to take on the world. The productivity mindset was decades in the making; it will not be easy or fast to unravel.
I am one of the now prediabetic long haulers. Except I was already eating super healthy when I got that result, which just proves to me that COVID is causing metabolic issues in many of us. My cholesterol came back high too despite my clean diet. I’m now on metformin and a statin 🤦🏼♀️.
Thank you for writing this post. I hope you bounce back soon.
The rare joy of feeling good is a high unlike any other I have experienced. My therapist says the frontal cortex takes over and it lowers our cognitive thinking. With our inhibitions suppressed we want & do more. At the time it feels soooo good and of course there is no signal when we crossed the line of no return. Knowing this gives me perspective and grace for when I over indulge.
Nice to know this is not just me! I when I feel good I burst out in ten directions starting new projects and then crash n the midst of them all. And what about thinking “oh, looks like the Long Covid finally went away!” when it’s just that you’ve been behaving properly.
Holy moly do I relate to this. I was diagnosed with MS in 2011 and in the last couple of years I was bumped to secondary progressive. Learning to pace and rest was HARD. It's still hard. And you are spot on about feeling good and pushing on like I'm not disabled... Le sigh. Thanks for sharing this one. It's a good reminder.
This is SO true and you captured it perfectly. I still do this 10 years in! Sigh. And you are so on the nose about why resting was so hard before, I completely identify with that, in that I too did not believe I deserved rest before. I still struggle with it now truthfully! The Rest Is Resistance book is a great way to do that internal work, and it certainly is a daily challenge to work on.
I have been working on it lately myself by working through a mindful self compassion workbook from the self compassion researcher Kristen Neff. Taking the self compassion assessment she’s used in her research (on her website: https://self-compassion.org/self-compassion-test/) was startlingly eye-opening for me in how low I scored, so no wonder I have struggled to be gentle with myself when resting/not being productive *and* in the moments when I overdo and end up in bed.
Anyway, I got lost on a tangent there but just wanted to say thank you for putting words to this experience and capturing it so accurately 💛
So relatable. The internalization is no joke. Knowing all of this cognitively has been one thing, but actually becoming someone who rests well is a whole other thing. Chronic illness is definitely showing me where a lot of toxic beliefs are hiding, but...oof. It's not easy.
Slowing down was up there with the most challenging aspects of my healing journey. When I shared this with my audience the other year I felt physically sick sharing the post. I had no idea at the time that this was so common amongst us all. Thank you for writing about it. I love reading about the journeys of others. I feel there is so much healing to be had on the back of it - for the writer, the reader, us all.
This is so relatable! I've finally learned that if I actually feel good on a day (as rare as that is), I have to be extremely careful, or I will crash the next day. I don't always get that warning day, but I've learned to heed the warning when it comes.
Thank you! It's just not worth it. That productive person is not who I am at the moment, I miss her, but I've accepted her absence. ( Most of the time) When I crash, the recovery takes days. Breathing, cognitive and fatigue. A really, really bad hangover!
I relate to all of this so very much (I have ME/CFS and Lupus). I really needed to read this today as I have overextended and exerted too much and now I’m unable to leave my bed. Maybe for a week or multiple weeks. I do this not infrequently. I especially resonated with “The pleading, resigned, dejected look on my wife's face when she knows I'm about to cause myself to crash, and nothing she says can stop me.” My partner is the exact same way. Cheers to our divine right to rest. Cheers to resisting the urge to try to prove something even though it causes us harm.
The struggle is REAL - especially the part about feeling a bit better and then trying to take on the world. The productivity mindset was decades in the making; it will not be easy or fast to unravel.
I am one of the now prediabetic long haulers. Except I was already eating super healthy when I got that result, which just proves to me that COVID is causing metabolic issues in many of us. My cholesterol came back high too despite my clean diet. I’m now on metformin and a statin 🤦🏼♀️.
Thank you for writing this post. I hope you bounce back soon.
The rare joy of feeling good is a high unlike any other I have experienced. My therapist says the frontal cortex takes over and it lowers our cognitive thinking. With our inhibitions suppressed we want & do more. At the time it feels soooo good and of course there is no signal when we crossed the line of no return. Knowing this gives me perspective and grace for when I over indulge.
Thanks for this. I get euphorically busy when I feel better. That intoxicating taste of feeling well!
Nice to know this is not just me! I when I feel good I burst out in ten directions starting new projects and then crash n the midst of them all. And what about thinking “oh, looks like the Long Covid finally went away!” when it’s just that you’ve been behaving properly.
Holy moly do I relate to this. I was diagnosed with MS in 2011 and in the last couple of years I was bumped to secondary progressive. Learning to pace and rest was HARD. It's still hard. And you are spot on about feeling good and pushing on like I'm not disabled... Le sigh. Thanks for sharing this one. It's a good reminder.
This is SO true and you captured it perfectly. I still do this 10 years in! Sigh. And you are so on the nose about why resting was so hard before, I completely identify with that, in that I too did not believe I deserved rest before. I still struggle with it now truthfully! The Rest Is Resistance book is a great way to do that internal work, and it certainly is a daily challenge to work on.
I have been working on it lately myself by working through a mindful self compassion workbook from the self compassion researcher Kristen Neff. Taking the self compassion assessment she’s used in her research (on her website: https://self-compassion.org/self-compassion-test/) was startlingly eye-opening for me in how low I scored, so no wonder I have struggled to be gentle with myself when resting/not being productive *and* in the moments when I overdo and end up in bed.
Anyway, I got lost on a tangent there but just wanted to say thank you for putting words to this experience and capturing it so accurately 💛
So relatable. The internalization is no joke. Knowing all of this cognitively has been one thing, but actually becoming someone who rests well is a whole other thing. Chronic illness is definitely showing me where a lot of toxic beliefs are hiding, but...oof. It's not easy.
Slowing down was up there with the most challenging aspects of my healing journey. When I shared this with my audience the other year I felt physically sick sharing the post. I had no idea at the time that this was so common amongst us all. Thank you for writing about it. I love reading about the journeys of others. I feel there is so much healing to be had on the back of it - for the writer, the reader, us all.
This is so relatable! I've finally learned that if I actually feel good on a day (as rare as that is), I have to be extremely careful, or I will crash the next day. I don't always get that warning day, but I've learned to heed the warning when it comes.
Thank you! It's just not worth it. That productive person is not who I am at the moment, I miss her, but I've accepted her absence. ( Most of the time) When I crash, the recovery takes days. Breathing, cognitive and fatigue. A really, really bad hangover!